"The Life Changer" the roller coaster of adoption

Each family who choses to adopt is actually stepping on a roller coaster. Some rides may turn out to be a fair ride, some may be a wooden roller coaster, and some..... may be the most death defying innovative ride ever created. Now if you like roller coasters the death defying ride sounds like a blast right?! It may make you a little sick after you ride it, but the thrill outweighs the moment of sickness and you actually want to ride it again, and maybe even 3 times. But, at the end of the day, the park closes you step off the ride and go home. Even though it is fun, you don't really want to spend days, weeks, months, or years constantly riding the ups, downs and turns of the ride. Now you may say, "what does a roller coaster have to do with adoption?" Well let me tell you.....

It has been a few weeks since I last wrote because it has taken me some time to regain strength. As well as this year was starting, things have changed. If you look at our timeline our Dossier has been translated since last August. The next step was to have a IAPA (adoption house) accept our Dossier. We have been waiting, and waiting, and what feels like waiting. Unfortunately, things are not really progressing in country.

                              Passing the time with friends.
 We were faced with a very big decision. We could continue to wait for a IAPA ( which we have already been waiting for one to accept us for 8 months) or we could submit our Dossier to ICBF ( which is similar to the US social services department). We could hope that a IAPA would start accepting families, or we could submit with ICBF and have an approved Dossier in approximately 60 days. The reason we selected to go with a IAPA was because we were advised that it would be a better fit for our case and the wait times at IAPA's was less! Once ICBF approves a dossier the wait time is 4 years.  Not ideal, especially when we have already been waiting 2 years.

This was such a heart wrenching decision. We felt like our hands were tied. We felt devistated that we could potentially have to wait 6 years for our baby, when we were expecting 2- 2 1/2 years. We could continue to wait for a IAPA to accept us or we could send our Dossier to ICBF and get it approved. If we sent it to ICBF we would not be able to to transfer it to a IAPA until it was approved, approximately 60+ days.  So after tears, we decided to submit out Dossier to ICBF.

A month ago things seemed positive. God was talking to me, I had peace about our current waiting and now I feel heartbroken, sick to my stomach and like this roller coaster will never end. I ask God "will you, will you give us a baby?" " Is this too big for you?" I cannot tell you I know the answer. I can tell you that even in the pain, I am committed.